put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
