My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
