is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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