I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
