very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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