Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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