Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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