I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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