im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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