Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
