First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
