12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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