I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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