I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
