He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
