wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
