Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
