After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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