He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize