I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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