I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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