i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
