I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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