I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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