I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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