mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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