What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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