Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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