I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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