Girls should come with a carfax report
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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