The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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