And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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