Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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