At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
