Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
