Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
