it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
