There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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