And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
