It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Watching her eat just hurts me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
