Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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