I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize