I cannot find my penis.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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