ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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