we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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