Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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