Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
