you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She bit a glass in half.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
