guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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