I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
