Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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