we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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