I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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