No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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