were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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