I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
