I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
