maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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