I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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