hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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