i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
