we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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