I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She just used a chaser for red wine.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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