Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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