I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
