Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
